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IT WASN'T ME!

What's the World coming to, new members adding links to sites selling DVD's.  Well I guess I should at least be grateful of a new member!

Not sure where the new member got the inspiration to add the comment to this post though, maybe he saw Charlton Heston and thought 'he's a movie star, perfect for my DVD movie site'.

Oh and GALEN 2.0, Galen reckons it was you.

Now dear friends, I can exclusively reveal the aftermath of the sordid shenanigans that went on, on the very steps of the hallowed ground that is Shields Town Hall, last year.  Our lass's solicitors Nahoop, Calhoun and Davis Jr threatened legal action if I didn't stay silent for over a year but now my time has come. Never has there been a greater need to clear somebody's name since Saleh had Lee Watson out in 1981.
 
As you can imagine, I was distraught when this damning photograph came to light. And let me tell you folks...IT WASN'T ME! It was our lass in the grips of that muscles's bulgin' hunk.
 
I was livid and immediately fled the Galen household to check in to a luxury hotel in Shields (courtesy of a former friend of this site who "borrowed" the cash from his associate known only as "the Banker").
 
Pictured below is me being confronted in my hotel hideaway be the News of The World:

Our lass protested her innocence, saying it wasn't her either, but I was suspicious:

Now as you know, the Galen of old was known as the sympathetic ape (give or take the "sym"), but not now. My fury knew no bounds and I did what I thought was necessary. Sent the lads round... 

That'll teach him.
 
Well friends, would you credit it. A few weeks ago both me and the lass got an email from someone called Galen La Rue, a professional Galen/our lass impersonator who admitted that it was they who were snapped in the clutches of "Hess" as he's known throughout Shields. We arranged a walk along Marsden beach to clear things up and I'm glad to say all is resolved!
 
Galen La Rue pictured centre: 

Afterword:
 
Since this report the following events have occurred:

• Sir Noel Edmonds was incriminated and arrested for embezzling funds from the Banker to bankroll a year long stay in a luxury hotel in Shields. His case continues but we understand his plea is "n-oooocchhhhh-t guilty".
• Galen La Rue has been forced to cancel an arranged civil partnership ceremony to be held at Shields Town Hall, until the whereabouts of Hess have been determined.
• Galen 2.0 has repeatedly tried to contact "the lads" to call off their "treatment" of the now apparently innocent Hess, but to no avail.
• 196lbs of fresh meat has mysteriously been offered to Spiderman for retail purposes.

Oh now I see, a setup by a look-a-like impostor.  I knew all along there must have been an innocent explanation.  Anyway, anyone want to buy some meat, I've got a job lot at a good price.

(Please note, low price reflects the over-leathery texture of the product).

I'll take the lot. Me and the lass'll have a barbecue. And I'll make a pastie for Galen La Rue to cheer him up til Hess comes home...

I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm not happy with this Galen La Rue character.  I've never liked the idea of people dressing up and pretending to be something they're not.  Take me for example, would you like it if I got monkey'd up?  I don't think so and even less so if that monkey was a lass!  It's just not right, I hope we've seen the last of her him.

Hi Mike, that's a super idea. Look forward to seeing a pic of you monkeyed/lassed up on our favourite site very soon. Can't wait!

Last time I got monkey'd up as a lass was at the Pathetic Ape Pageant a few years back.  I thought I'd win them round by targeting the lass crowd, but I only managed to finish in 18th place.  I've got some photo's somewhere, I'll dig them out.

Sounds great Mike. I remember that pageant as if it was yesterday - I came in first place with the judges saying in all their days, they had never seen such a pathetic ape. The strange thing was I hadn't even entered the competition but stumbled across it accidentally whilst looking for the annual pie eating contest. But it was still nice to win and the tiara's a smashing fit.

'Pathetic' is just an abbreviation of 'sympathetic' right?

Well after a great deal of hunting, I've managed to find those pagaent snaps I was talking about.  Oh how it took me back looking through them.  Here are the 'best' two, hope you enjoy them.